dance musings..

This is such a random post. Suddenly I just have this joy welling up inside of me and the desire to dance! Well I’m in bed at the moment, so I danced in my head. Haha! 

I love to dance… Whenever I dance sometimes I imagine Jesus dancing with me. Or I just move for Him. He makes my heart sing and He’d always make me smile. 

Movement is expressive, but beyond that it can be a powerful weapon! Don’t take it lightly. Even the lifting of your hands in surrender is a beautiful movement to the Lord!

Bless the Lord O my soul!

Chasing Wisdom

I am not at all a logic, numbers, facts and statistics ‘thinking’ type of person. More intuitive and even in business decisions, I often have no idea what to do! Honestly speaking, every single decision we made was based on prayer. I thank God that Jase can lead and although at times he finds it difficult to make decisions, God has been Sovereign! I say this because I may appear like the loud and bossy one, but Jase is actually the one who leads both in business and our home life. I have very little confidence with my own decision making! So often, I feel very “out of my depths” and fearful to take steps in the business!

I need God’s Wisdom. Reading through Proverbs 8, I learned that:

1) We need to CHOOSE God’s Wisdom (God’s ways of doing things)

“CHOOSE my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold. For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies, nothing you desire can compare with it” (Prov 8:10)

Wow! God’s Wisdom and Instruction is better than monetary riches (silver and gold), even if we desire purpose, or whatever else we are looking for His wisdom is so much better than all these things!

You know how I said before I’m not “savvy” in the way of logic, facts, or concrete things? Are you wired similarly to me and often feels insecure about this especially if you have to make decisions/own your own business?

That’s ok! As the Bible say:

“Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine. Because of me (wisdom) Kings reign.. rulers lead with my help” (Proverbs 8:16)

We Just Need His Wisdom! 

His Wisdom enables us to do business. 

His Wisdom enables us to work effectively with common sense, insight and strength.

His Wisdom enables us to Lead! 

2) God is The BOSS! 

“My gifts are better than gold, even the purest gold, my Wages better than sterling silver!” (Proverbs 8:19)

Ultimately we need to remember this, that He alone is our Master. Trust that He is also our Jehovah Jireh, and He knows what we need! He won’t ever leave us or forsake us.

Even if we feel “used” or “taken advantage of, God knows what is best! He is our boss!

3) God’s instructions about Wisdom..

– Be in a right relationship / right standing with God 

“I walk in righteousness, in paths of justice” (verse 20)

Wisdom is found when we are right with God. Are we living according to His Word? For Whom and Why do we do things?

– The Fear of The Lord is the foundation of Wisdom

“ALL who fear the Lord will hate evil, therefore I hate pride and arrogance, corruption and perverse speech” (verse 13)

I would like to share something personal here.

Jase is working completely in the business, Im helping out but not as much as before. I am thinking about what to do (on the side) and  thought about teaching piano again. I started piano teaching when I was 14 years old, and have total of 10 years experience. So, teaching piano seems like a logical work to do, as now I have the time for it and to build it.

One day our life group leader’s wife mentioned in passing that she was looking for a piano teacher for her daughter. As I was thinking about it,  I offered trial lessons to see whether we would be a good fit together. Her daughter and I have had 3 lessons so far.. the trial was meant to be for 5 lessons… and umm well the daughter is confirmed to continue with me..

During this time, my ‘entrepreneurial creative juices’ really got going and I started to get ahead of myself in planning, and wanting to promote my piano teaching services to the community. Guess what? God actually impressed upon my heart NOT to tell anyone, or do promotions. He just impressed on my heart so strongly: “WAIT!” “I will bring the students in, they are the ones who I have chosen.. don’t go looking or promote anything..”. This really irked me. Haha- I wanted to post notices, advertise on FB, even put a banner in front of our house for goodness sake! I was excited about having my own piano studio, got a name for it and have started planning programs!

I wondered “WHY?”, why cant I just do this?!

IT JUST DAWNED ON ME. It was pride! I said things in my depth of my heart that was definitely pride. I felt that I was a good piano teacher and wanted to achieve something for me. “So what are You saying God? That I can only have this one girl, how are others going to come if I don’t say anything?!? Do You just want me to be faithful with the one student?” I started off on the wrong foot! I’m not saying that we cannot be confident in our abilities, but not when it is about self-glorification or proving ourselves! 

For God to be completely “boss” here, no matter how insignificant it may seem, only God deserves to get ALL the Glory! Everything is FROM Him, through Him and Back for His Glory! 

Although this post will go onto my FB page, I’m not writing this to promote my services (as contradicting as this sounds). However, I’m writing this here with the intention to record what God is currently teaching me about Wisdom and obeying Him in this area!

– His ways of wisdom is always peaceful, and truthful and straight. 

“My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or CROOKED in it” (verse 8)

His ways will always create a spirit of peace and gentleness. Yes, we can dream, but our ambitions are put to the Cross.

Isn’t amazing that His ways of doing is not about us talking ourselves up? Instead, His ways are always truth filled, there’s a “straight-ness” about it and absolute peace (restedness). 

The one thing that we must always bring before God is our hearts. We must constantly check and examine our hearts. Search me O God and know my ways.. Renew a right spirit within me!

Who likes to “wait”?

I have been praying and asking the Lord for GUIDANCE or “the go ahead” from Him about some things work-related. 

God keeps giving me verses and messages about Waiting on Him. This looks fine on paper but.. I’m a person who ACTS. Many times I act or say things before thinking (oops!). I am also impatient. There have been times when I act impulsively or rashly to “hurry God”. 

Yeah, talk about walking in Faith (obedience) right?!? (I’m being sarcastic here). 

Truth be told – It is nerve wrecking not knowing what is going to happen in the future and not doing anything about it!!!!!! 

The Waiting Period is excruciating. 

Today I asked God again about my plans. Surely it should be okay now to go ahead with it. After I prayed, as I kept on reading the themes that stood out were about Waiting. 

“Who are those who Fear the Lord? HE will SHOW them the path they should choose…” (Psalm 25:11) 

Then I read this- 

“Commit everything you do to the Lord, Trust Him and HE will HELP you…” (Psalm 37:5)

My response was: YAYY thank You Lord! Amen! But… errrrrr.. what’s this a couple of verses later? 

“BE STILL IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD & WAIT PATIENTLY FOR HIM TO ACT” (Psalm 37: 7) 

Aggghhh He’s telling me to WAIT on Him AGAIN! 

There are things that would be the  LOGICAL thing to do moving forward. However, what God is saying is to commit to Him the work of my hands, but don’t do those actions I planned yet… There’s that nagging “Wait!” in my heart! 

Instead, WAIT in My presence patiently and I will help you, I’m the One who ACTS for you. 

Why is Trusting God so Difficult?!? When we know in our head that HE is more than Powerful?

1) It’s easy to succumb to our fleshly desires 

The NATURAL “itch” is to DO and ACT ourselves… Especially when it’s the logical or obvious thing to do!

2) We forget God = Fear

When we forget WHO God Is, we will be filled with fear. 

Our minds and hearts can easily deceive us. That is why daily, we must put guard our minds and hearts through The Word. 

3) We want to be in Control.

Who is really the Lord / Master of my life? 

3) It’s uncomfotable to wait. 

Who likes to wait?!? Even the most patient person can find waiting on God out of their depths!

If you are in a similar boat here.. Where God has asked you to wait despite seeing the circumstances you’re in or perhaps knowing that you could be doing something to move things along… I feel you!!! 

All we can do is to ask for His GRACE to help us WAIT on Him. 

What do we do while waiting then?? 

1) Be in His Presence! 

God Works when we Pray! 

2) Hold on to His Promises! 

Surely, if He has given you instruction to Wait on Him He would have also given you His Promises! 

One promise verse that stood out from when I was reading just now (and there are others from previous times) –   

“Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent… They will not be disgraced in hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough” (Psalm 37:19)

During the week another passage really stood out to me, it was as if God was saying “Stop what you’re doing Mel!”  – 
“For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts are higher than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9)

OK Lord Jesus, please help me to remember that Your ways are not my ways and how I think is not how You think…! You are far Bigger and knows everything far better than I do! So, I surrender this into Your Hands in complete trust. 

Whenever we are tempted to act, and “hurry” God along, we lose sight of Jesus. Jesus is the author and perfector of our obedience. We must trust in His way, methods and timing. 

Let whatever we do be to God’s glory and pleasure.

“Respect” in a marriage.. from a wife’s perspective.

Can you hear Aretha Franklin’s catchy “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” tune playing in your head? There are actually 2 versions to this song, and the original one is written by Otis Redding from a man’s perspective. The original version speaks of a man’s plea that he will do anything for his woman, even if she does him wrong, as long as he is respected by her.

We find in the Bible that a wife shows submission (out of reverence for Christ) by respecting her husband:

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33)

There is a book called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs that entails just how  important “Respect” is for husbands!

The cry of every Husband/Man  is to be respected. They feel loved when they sense that they are respected. 

Our dear marriage mentors lent us this book! Very worth a read!

For women, we feel loved when our husband cherishes us the most. We crave the “romance” we see in movies, songs, novels.. Hollywood hasn’t helped! Same goes for romance fiction.. even “Christian” romantic ones! Real life however, involves the unexpected and unplanned. Yes, there are happy and joyful times, but there will also be curveballs..

As my pastor said recently- It’s how we give meaning to whatever comes our way, that will determine whether we will rise above or succumb to disappointments, hopelessness.

I asked Jason recently how he feels respected and he responded “by being understood”.

No wonder we were ‘going around in circles’! I admit – I’ve not always been in the “present”… he’ll tell me that, but it did not “click” until recently! Sometimes, I would think of other things while listening to Jase. He will be: “Hello? Are you listening, Mel? Where is your mind at?” This is not respecting him as it shows that I don’t care for what he has to say! Or there will be times when I just go and do things my way, sometimes without telling him! Or what’s worse.. Sometimes I completely ignore him.

Now, I love my husband and he has my heart, but by me not engaging, listening intently or by me doing my ‘own thing/way’ shows that I have not tried to understand him..

Root Cause: The Condition of the Heart

It’s a Heart Condition! Where have I put my trust? In God – who is the One in Control and is the head of my husband, or in myself? This, I’m still dealing and learning about..

I wish to encourage you by saying that if like me, you would like your marriage to change for the better.. It is Possible!! Jase and I are not there yet.. But we will get there! Our marriage mentors say that “this is a process that takes time, but it will happen”!

During this process we are being  SHAPED in our Character towards endurance and perseverance. 

Which is possible only by God’s Help and His Holy Spirit! Know that spouses can’t change one another.. But GOD CAN. He can change man’s heart. He can also change your heart. 🙂

OK – let’s get back to the topic of “Respect”.. As I reflected how I can try to understand my husband.. Here is an acronym I wrote to help me remember myself!

“P.A.U.S.E”

P – Pay Attention.

Put aside whatever you are doing, clear your thoughts to LISTEN with no pre-conceived ideas, or interruptions!

Who’s with me here and are excellent at cutting in conversations?

A- Ask questions!

Probe deeper and repeat in your own words to try to clarify and understand what your spouse is saying.

U- Unity. 

Ask yourself: “Is my behaviour showing a sense of unity/togetherness or independence?”; “Am I trying to get things done MY way?”

S- Submit Sweetly. (No, not ‘sickly sweet’!)  

Submit with an open heart and attitude. Not begrudgingly or with  excuses. If you really believe your way is “better”, pray and speak it out with the Lord first before forcing anything on your other half.

E- Equilibrium.

Ask yourself: “How is my state of “restedness” on the inside? Am I listening with agitation??”

Always pray and ask God for a peaceful and gentle spirit.

 

I would like to ask the wives here-

1) What are some of the ways that you show respect to your other half?

2) What worked or hasn’t worked for you?

3) Did your spouse comment on your change of behaviour?

4) Did you notice any changes in your spouse’s demeanour/behaviour?

Our pastor, mentors and dear friends say the fundamental thing is to check our hearts, SURRENDER our marriages and submit it to God. Then believe that He will enable us with His Grace and Power to show respect and submission to our  husbands.

This is because He is the Source of everything for us to accomplish that which we are called for! 

We are all flawed individuals that is why we make mistakes and hurt each other in our relationships. However, let’s FOCUS to GOD!

HE is able to restore and heal our hearts!

HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME

 

Why do we suffer?

I’m actually still trying to get my own head around this topic of “suffering”.. so please, bear with me and don’t see this as fully ‘black or white’.

Ok, let’s define “suffering”..

According to Google:

Suffering is the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship.

I used to really believe that because I’m a Christian, life should not be too ‘difficult’! Yes, there are bumps and hiccups, but surely nothing too severe! After all, we belong to God!

My dear mentor sent me this verse one day which illuminated my eyes once more to embracing suffering…

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope…” (Romans 5:1-3)

Another infamous passage in James 1 says:

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” (James 1: 2-3)

I’m challenged to see trials, problems, and testing times as a crucial part to effect ENDURANCE/PERSEVERANCE in my spiritual walk with God. This is a massive paradigm and mind shift! It’s uncomfortable, but could it be that I’m on the right track here? The Bible clearly says to “let endurance grow”.

Faith is Obeying Him. Often there are moments when we will be tested in our obedience to God. What do we do? We can choose to persevere and obey Him, instead on walking our own way!

What is “Endurance”?

“The ability to endure an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way”

“The capacity of something to last or to withstand wear and tear”

This is certainly a character area for me to grow in! To not give way and hurt God during a difficult struggle, and stand strong in OBEDIENCE despite the raging storms within.

However, I’m believing that He will be With us. There are no temptations known to man that He does not have a way out- we just have to cling on to God! It is easy to be angry at  God when we have to die to our flesh and wants.. It is easy to Question God!  However dark and dire the situation/circumstance may be, could it be that all this is for His Glory?? Yes! It’s for His Glory. His Glory will be revealed!

How do we endure the season of “endurance” and “perseverance” then??

With gusto? With our ‘wise’ ways? Who is wise? Who is God here? Where is God in this picture?

We can only endure the season of endurance and perseverance with God’s Help, Power and Love by the infilling and power of the Holy Spirit.  That is why, it is impossible for us to attempt anything on our own. We must go to Him, on our knees and Daily Ask for The His Power, Grace and Love to help us endure. Through Prayer!

What is God’s promise for us as we pray, wait on Him and embrace the testing in our faith? The Bible is so clear about this-

“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5)

1. He will not put us to shame
2. We receive God’s Love POURED out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit

If you have been wanting to experience God’s Love, perhaps through ‘suffering’ and enduring your trial, challenge and test, you can also experience God’s Love, as this is when it’s literally “poured out”.

Could it be that  be that these tests and trials are what’s needed for us to get to really Know God and experience His Love?

For when we are weak, then His grace is made perfect in our weakness.

a Miracle happened…

In my previous post, I expressed my desire to experience God’s Love. Thank you to Elizabeth, Elain, Wynema.. who have responded.. it’s something that I have struggled with for A LONG TIME.. I wanted to shared something with you a MIRACLE that happened.

Three Saturdays ago.. while conversing with my mentor.. a ‘lightbulb’ moment happened!

I was someone who is easily offended, didn’t know myself / identity, insecure, had negative thoughts, worries easily about what other people thinks, and mentally and emotionally distressed. DISTRESSED.

To the point that, I just could not care less for others. I was apathetic towards church, my husband, Jase, my parents.. Towards my parents, I just could not be free. There was always ‘something’ / a wall that I had put up.

I would like to add here that the devil indeed comes to kill, steal and destroy. We are indeed fighting not against flesh and blood, but the spiritual realms. In my case, the devil had won in these areas of the mind, emotions, heart.. BUT the enemy and his lies NO LONGER HAVE ANY HOLD ON ME! God Allowed all these instances, circumstances to occur as my ‘necessary journey’ towards redemption, forgiveness, understanding His Love and Grace and towards, CHARACTER SHAPING.

He is MOULDING Me. I had a heart transplant 3 Saturdays ago, and I believe God is still doing a heart surgery on me. However, He had TRANSFORMED my heart! THIS WAS THE MIRACLE. It can ONLY be God.

I HAVE PRAYED AND ASKED GOD SOOOOOOOOOO MANY, MANY TIMES TO HELP ME TO FORGIVE AND RELEASE GRACE TOWARDS OTHERS. I have prayed SOOOOOOOOOO MANY TIMES to be ‘free’.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRIED TO FORGIVE AND LOVE OTHERS, I COULD NOT. It was forced, and fake. I was suffering and bleeding inside. Definitely not free!

While I was chatting with my mentor (Aunty Marian), the ‘lightbulb’ switched and was turned on! It turns out.. that…

I had an extremely wounded heart. Possibly spanning 2 DECADES! Why would I say this? This is because I noticed a PATTERN.. Wherever I was, I can get VERY EASILY offended.

Maybe it all started when I was so young, when I got ‘hurt’ or ‘wounded’ the first couple of times.. instead of asking God to help me to let go and forgive I just let the wound to ‘ROT’ inside of me..

I was also striving to PROVE MY WORTH and EARN LOVE. I’m NOT blaming anyone here, but I’d always want to be “good enough” for those closest and dearest to me. I know that these individuals will always love me, but I just craved in a way I could understand..

Whatever the cause.. my heart was wounded.

As a result, I was just so BLINDED! I couldn’t feel God’s love either!

So 3 Saturdays ago, the lightbulb switched on (by the Grace of God) and through speaking with my mentor. I prayed: Lord, I let go of trying to protect my heart my way.. I’m sorry for holding on to my pride, ego and all hurts.. I realise that all these issues that I have is because my heart has become wounded and hardened. Please Heal my heart and soften it.. Please take out all the wounds.. IN JESUS’ NAME, AMEN.

There was NO lightning or anything tangible.. BUT something in my mind and heart had changed!!! It was also quite instantaneous!!

At the time, Jase was not at home, when he got home, he could tell that I was just so rested and at peace. The next day, I went to Church, and.. my heart towards church is open, as if my mind was just transformed. I can honestly, say.. that there is not one sngle bit.. not even one teeny tiny bit of ill feeling or bad thoughts towards another person at church! THIS is a MIRACLE!!!

Also, my parents – the relationship with my parents has IMPROVED SIGNIFICANTLY. There is absolutely ZERO ill feeling or any ‘wall’.. I could be ‘free’ and just speak to them like never before!!! I am not exaggerating here.. but it truly is AMAZING!!

I also, have a heart to truly make an effort in our marriage!! For the first time in a long time, I’m reading books on marriage, and wanting to spend time with Jase. (Quality time is Jase’s love language).. WITHOUT SEEING THIS AS A ‘BURDEN’. I also realised the importance of respecting my husband!! And PRAYING FOR HIM!! I pray with such faith and genuine earnestness for OTHERS yet, for my own household, I haven’t prayed that way in a long time!!! It’s silly! Yet, it happened! Why? Because of my heart condition. I am thankful to God for all that He has done!!

BY THE GRACE OF GOD, and I THANK HIM continually that He has removed that hardness of heart! Truly, truly all that was required is for me to let go of all control over my heart. Ask Him to heal my wounded heart and take away all the wounds, the rot.. the darkness.. the clutter.. the evilness.. the gunk.. the junk.. euggh! I wished that I had realised this sooner.. but..

It was all in God’s timing!!!

Because, since that day, I have shared to a few individuals WHO WENT THROUGH SIMILAR THINGS as I did… and by the Grace of God, they also were able to ‘release’ and ask HIM to heal their hearts!! There was healing and deliverance!! All in His timing.

I am SO GRATEFUL to the LORD for this Grace, and I pray that you will be encouraged and set free (if you happen to have similar experiences to this).

God bless you and thank you for reading!

With all my love,

Mel

Interesting thing that happened tonight at Life Group

We just got home from life group (small group from church). I wanted to record how God is Faithful and He is working even when we are weak. 

I’m noticing more and more recently every single time I worship, tears just flow. It’s like my heart just connects with God during worship – whenever I sing and play an instrument. I know that He has gifted and called me  in this area, and am thankful for that. 

Usually I don’t ‘enjoy’ leading worship because I’d be too concerned about the technicalities etc. Tonight I was rostered for worship for our life group and it is probably the first time I actually was somewhat at ease while leading not being concerned about those things. 

One of our life group members actually prayed for me tonight and afterwards I noticed a change straight away-  am not exaggerating but I could feel a difference in tonight’s worship – it was so very effortless. It was  truly not my usual way of playing or singing and I just can tell the difference. Which brings it back to whenever we serve Him, it truly is never about us but His Holy Spirit who does the working and moving!! That’s why it’s never about our abilities, but it’s His Grace!!! So He gets ALL the glory!   

Praising God for such an awesome life group as well. Such a blessing  and joy to be part of this “Joy” life group! Coincidentally, our life group happens to be called the “Joy” lifegroup! 

Indeed ” the Joy of The Lord is our strength”! 

With that in mind, I leave with a very beautiful song I just heard of recently. It’s called “I stand in awe of You” by Parachute Band (from New Zealand). 

A very beautiful and powerful song! 

http://youtu.be/xBwlj3OmyiI
Oh also, someone from our Life group also testified how she got healed miraculously and she no longer needs a surgery! Praise The Lord! He is a God who answers prayers! 

Making Him my home.

How does one make The Lord their refuge and shelter? 

The first thing that comes to mind for me is that  shelter = “home”. 

I love being at home and especially if I’ve just mopped the floors or wiped benches, I can still smell the cleaning materials.. It smells SO good! Whenever I am back home after going out..  there’s always a sense of “yayyy, I’m home!”. It’s a place of relief, my sanctuary… It’s safe and there is familiarity.

So when I read this passage 

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High..” (Psalm 91:1) 

I imagine this as making God my “home”. My place of Sanctuary, my place of comfort… Most of all, just being in His Presence.

The question for me to ask is He really my “home”? How is He my place of shelter and refuge? Do I fully trust In Him?

I want to declare the following words as a prayer.. As th psalmist puts it so beautifully: 

This I declare about The Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him” (Psalm 91:2)

Daily Routine

In a bid to manage my time well and be a good steward of it during this season of focusing on our marriage, working from home and being a house wife.. I need a simple daily schedule or daily planner that is realistic and achievable.  

If you are someone like me, I can procrastinate and leave things at the very last minute.. Which creates MORE unnecessary stress! So having daily routines works for me.. BUT because I’m also a creative, spontaneous and “go with the flow” kind of gal, there needs to be some flexibility and room to “move”. This is because if my routine is set rigidly and I miss a “set activity” – I tend to get OCD-like behaviours and become extremely agitated. 

So I have been trying a few ‘daily schedules’ to see which works/realistic for me. 

To create my schedule, I wrote down my focus areas/ priorities. The following are focus areas during the day:
1) Study of the Word
2) Keeping the Home (Chores, bills, maintaining an organised home life)
3) Commitment to working on Marriage through Quality Time (Scheduled in the evenings)
4) “Extra Curricular Activities”. Current Focus: Practice Piano (I have been getting back to playing classical repertoire), Songwriting, Blogging and Reading (purposeful topics)
5) “On The Side Activities” (Private piano teaching – only a recent activity)
6) Assisting Jason with the business (Not the main focus at the moment)
7) Ministry: 1:1 time or time with other couples with intention to encourage, build one another in Christ and PRAY – Can be face to face or on the phone

I discovered “work blocks” for effective productivity. This is where you set blocks of about 1.5hours with a 10min break in between for each task/activity. I find it works well for me because if I missed one of my work blocks, I can easily shift and shuffle things around. It also allows you to focus intensely on one task before going to the next. 

Simplifying my ‘get ready routine’ in the mornings has also helped tremendously. It used to take me ages to get ready but now it takes a max of 5mins and 20mins with shower. Very happy! No more blow dryers, straighteners or curlers, and make up which take up a lot of time and not good for my sensitive skin! 

Decluttering my wardrobe making it ‘minimalist’ has also helped the transition to having a simpler lifestyle. Now my closet consists of neutrals and basic pieces for easy and fast ‘mix and match’ no matter the day and occassion. 

This is my Weekly Daily Schedule. Saturdays and Sundays are more flexible.

Morning Routine

– Prayer

– Treadmill / Pilates / Walk around the neighborhood

– Breakfast

– Devotions (Bible study and Journalling)

– Laundry

– Plan the day’s focus activity for each “work block”

9am: Work Block 1 

10:30am: Hang laundry, resume Work Block 1 

11-2pm: Cook (usually for dinner as well), Quick lunch, Focus Chore for the day, Includes travel time (eg. grocery shopping, or meeting with someone)

2-6pm: Work Block 2 & 3, “On the Side” activities  

6pm: Evening Routine

– If Dinner is not prepared earlier, cook.

– Clean kitchen, Sweep floor/general house tidy up, tidy benches and clean toilet 

– Quality Time with Jason

– Extra time Activity / Reading / Church related activity (Life group, practice)

– REFLECTION of the day and Praying together as a couple

10:30pm-11pm: Shower and Sleep!

What has worked for you when planning your daily activities? 

Trying to discover my “calling” / “assignment”..

I feel like such a failure if I don’t do well with my work.. Let alone  if I don’t work at all. I realise that my worth and identity is associated to what I do and I definitely feed on people’s approval / “applause”.

My first job was when I was 13 years old, teaching piano from home. Did this for about 10 years. I also worked at a home decor shop for a couple of years while at high school. At University I majored in Music and Education then Music Therapy at grad school.

I became a registered Music Therapist working with the elderly and those with dementia for 5 years. It wasn’t difficult work for me, it brought good income, God increased the number of nursing homes I had and I worked full time. Usually Music therapists work on a part time basis or with teaching work on the side.

I think it may have been a combination of restlessness, drained energy, wanting a bit more ‘challenge’ or something different to music that made me stop Music Therapy. I then worked in Real Estate as a sales associate for a year.. Now this it was definitely pushing me out of my comfort zone! I had to learn a lot of new things about working in the real and outside world. It was hard work and things didn’t come as naturally as when I did Music Therapy. Even so, as crazy as it was, I enjoyed the “challenge” of it.. And it did take most of my attention and energy away from home and Jase.. Our marriage and relationship was already difficult so me not being “present” caused even more strain on us..

While I was working in the exciting “real world”, Jase started a business and about 1 year of me working in the Real Estate industry, he asked me to join him in the business. This was primarily for our marriage, and he wanted us to work together.

Fast forward 5/6 months later (it feels longer!!!) of me part of the business  Jase and I were constantly at each other. My ego was bruised, I felt like I was not good enough or capable in my role, a LOT was happening. I got stressed but this time because the business is like our “little baby”, it’s more personal. I would be extremely annoyed and frustrated whenever we have different ways of doing things. It seems like ALL / the main things we talk about was: the business.

Yeah, I guess work has always been a really, really big part in my life. I wanted to show my parents and make them proud of me with my achievements.. I’d imagine people’s approvals and especially my parents’ approval. Although my parents would say “you did good” or “well done” – in my mind.. whatever I do, it will never be good enough. I wanted more..

This mindset of: “I’m not good enough” and “could be more / can do more” can be a good thing to have.. But it really was debilitating for me. This mentality was intertwined to my sense of self-worth, and was really innate (appears ALL THE TIME). This way of thinking really affected my daily activities, relationships and overall mental and emotional health.
So as I was reflecting and journaling the above things.. I realised that I actually need to Rest fully in The Lord. Even though I was spending time with God, I wasn’t rested – kept thinking about the business. To this day- I still get anxious and think about it constantly. “Has Jase done this? That?” etc etc. I have to TRUST God. Since God has called Jase to do the business, trust that He will also help Jase.

So I am now back to square 1.

What am I supposed to do?!? I’m feeling so helpless and useless. I’m still part of the business, just helping out – but not as much as before.. With every inch of my being, I just feel utterly restless. At the same time feeling very much like I’ve failed.

I imagine people asking: “So what do you do?”..  And replying: “I’m just a housewife” arrrggggghhhhhhhh. Thinking about it makes me cringe!

There are people who love being a housewife and a mum! I can think of friends right now who love taking care of the house, being a mum and wife..

So back to this – being in square 1. What do You want me to do Lord?

Which brings me to… “Calling”. All of us are called to be His Ambassadors and His Light wherever we are. However, we also have “assignments” too.

So right now, I’ve been spending time in prayer and the Word.. song writing, am working on a novel. Doing just a bit of business stuff on the side and trying to spend quality time with Jase!

But what else?

Speaking to my self: It is a BLESSING  to be a house-wife and to dwelve deeper in the Bible, Mel! You’re not completely out of the business.. ! Your worth is in God’s approval alone..! Don’t compare yourself with others, others have their lot, you have yours.

All good. In due time, He will make it known. In the meantime may He continue to work and soften my heart, bring healing to my issues and marriage, and bring me Closer to Himself. All for His Glory alone.

FOR WHAT GOOD IF I GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD BUT LOSE MY SOUL?