The F.A.C.T.S on building Friendship

I can’t make jokes. I’ve tried to, but I am just not a humorous gal. I also can’t come up with witty come back lines… this used to REALLY bug me, especially in social situations. I’d be trying to come up with excellent things to say instead of just enjoying and being in the present! However, I have finally come to accept the fact that this is OK! There’s absolutely NO need to be “the life of the party”!

So I’ve been reflecting on what makes a strong friendship. There needs to be chemistry, you can’t force friendships between people. Some personalities just “gel” with certain personalities.. and this is okay too! Secondly, one has to be comfortable in their own skin!! Seriously, now that I’ve accepted I just can’t make jokes- phew! It’s like this “heavy cloud” of expectation to be witty is just lifted off my shoulders! Now I can just concentrate on what’s important- getting to know others more and not be so damn self conscious!!

One of my goals for 2014 is to build deep friendships. I know that first of all, I will have to strip off that “invisible wall” I subconsciously put up. I know that I am going to have to be vulnerable (be real) for this to happen.

I also know that it will take A LOT of Patience- friendships don’t just happen without some work. I will be misunderstood and will misunderstand my friends – but this does not mean that they are “rejecting” me. I have to realise that my “people pleasing” tendency is causing me much unnecessary heartache- as long as I am right before God and my conscience is at peace.. That is all that matters!

Now what happens if along the way- I get discouraged? Perhaps my kindness and expressions of love as a friend is not reciprocated… Or perhaps it just takes too much energy and I rather just stay by myself and not be in social settings.. HOW do I remind myself to keep trying?

Well, I created this acronym – F.A.C.T.S of friendship building to remind my self..

F – Forgiveness
No one is perfect. Say my friend says something that “offends” or hurts my feelings. I am not going to assume and keep replaying thoughts in my mind- I will ask for some clarification.. And forgive. Let it go.

A- Acceptance
I will remind my self that I prayed to God to send me / bring close girlfriend/s into my life. So I will accept whoever it is that HE is going to bring into my life. Even if she is not someone I thought / imagined- I won’t judge her or have unnecessary expectations.

C- Community
My friendships is for the community that I have been placed in. So, when difficult moments occur – I will remind my self that what I choose to do will not only affect the relationship between my friend and I, but our community as a whole. Hence, we have the bigger community to think about (how it will affect the rest of our friends etc).

C – is ALSO for Compassion
To know that no one is perfect. That everyone needs grace too.. To be compassionate is to look at the person or situation with a different lens (to see what is really the underlying cause instead of what seems to be at face value). This will help me to understand others more, not be judgmental, be understanding, empathetic and supportive.

T- Truth
This will remind me to speak words of Truth in our conversations. Since the Word is filled with God’s Truth- I will choose to use words that encourage my friends based on His Word.

S- Sincerity
I love this one! “Sincerity” is defined as “The quality of being free from pretense, deceit and hypocrisy”. It involves being authentic and stripping off the mask to be “perfect”. This is possible when I continue to be comfortable in my own skin.

Building friendships take daily effort too. This does not mean that we have to “bombard” the other person with lots of calls and texts.. However, what I can do is to pray for my close friends daily and spend time together intentionally. I read this quote which really struck a chord within my heart..

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make, which, over time, add up to big differences which we often cannot foresee” ~ Marian Wright Edelman

Normally, I tend to prefer spending time on my own. However, how can I build friendship if I don’t spend time with others?

My childhood friend who I had not seen for 10 years is in Sydney at the moment! I caught up with her over breakfast yesterday morning and we had such a beautiful time together. I have not seen her as we both moved cities and now she is living overseas at the moment. The amazing thing is that although we had not seen each other for far too long, it was really as if we hadn’t moved at all! We shared so much and encouraged each other… I was also more conscious about being real and authentic.. And yeah, it felt really good to be real with her and we had such a blessed time together.

Here’s a photo of us taken after our breakfast:

Invest in people rather than things. Friendship has no time limits.