“Insecurity”? Gasp!

You know the feeling when you know you have to get up early the next day but you can’t sleep? Grrrrrrrrr! Well at 2am this morning I woke up and could not get back to sleep! Also had this passage in my head – a passage I was reading just before bed:

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels–a plentiful harvest of new lives. (John 12:24)

Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity. (John 12:25)

Ok let’s backtrack a bit. 

We had a guest pastor minister to us this weekend. He is also gifted in prophesy – word of knowledge, word of wisdom and discernment.

Cut a long story short- I asked him to pray for my mind. My heart is getting healthy and healthier.. (thank You Lord).. But my mind, sometimes I am still plagued with negative thoughts. 

So I have wondered why.. Why am I still thinking and doubting myself? Have you ever experienced negative self talk? Imagine that happening daily, frequently. It ain’t pretty. 

As the pastor prayed for me, the word.”insecurity” came up. I went back home and googled “insecurity”. It is defined as “not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well : nervous and uncomfortable”. People who are insecure loves to hide, and avoid things (whamo!). Also, they have low self worth / low self esteem and are constantly trying to find their worth. 

Wow! So basically, it explains why I behave the way I am.. it is because I am trying to find my worth/significance and identity in what I do or what I am. 

Oh Lord! 

As I could not sleep, I was reflecting on this passage and God showed me that I have to give up my life. Hmmmm God, I thought I gave you my life already?? 

Yes, I did. But I still cared too much about it. 

“Those who love their life in this world will lose it”

“Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity” 

We can still give our life to God- but care too much for it. Yes, God asks us to be good stewards of this life. However, what is our deepest motivations?? 

Let me take exercise and eating healthily as an example. Keeping a healthy lifestyle is a good thing isn’t? As we know the Bible says – for our body is a temple of His Holy Spirit, so we need to take care of it. 

The Bible also says- 

“for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come”. (1 Tim 4:8)

We can care for our life but not care for it too much. Vanity, is as poisonous as unforgiveness to a person with insecurity issues. A person who is insecure often will try to keep up appearances / wear “masks” so that they appear good or pleasing. 

I’m talking from experience here. 

So – when that verse said “unless a kernel of wheat is planted into soil and dies. It remains alone”.

I see my life as that kernel of wheat. It has to die. (No, not killing myself..! Rather, dying to my fleshly desires). I have to die to my insecurity so I can be fruitful for God’s glory. I have to die to my tendency to shrink back so I can be fruitful for Him. I have to die and unmask myself boldly so that I can be fruitful for His Kingdom. 

But its death will produce many new kernels–a plentiful harvest of new lives. (John 12:24)

To be fruitful here is to produce a harvest of new lives. I have been in bondage that I could not effectively minister to others. I have to put this to death first! 

You know what I said before? People who are insecure loves to just hide? Well, as it was dark at 2am this morning, my husband was also asleep- I really wanted to read the Word. So I got onto the You Version bible app- the verse for today was: 

You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word (Psalm 119:114)

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah. (Psalm 32:7)

At times like this I thank God for technology!! How amazing is that? “Songs of deliverance” and “He is our hiding place”… Thank You Lord! 

So,  I am fighting insecurity with God as my Hiding place. I will rest and move only behind Him. I sincerely pray and hope that this post will minister to you. 

However, upon wise advice of those closest to me, I have decided not to blog for a bit. I do not want blogging to feed my source of worth or significance. God is teaching me sooooo sooooo sooooooo much there is a lot for me to “digest”. I am eager to pass it on but…

With everything there is timing. 

I’m glad that I am on my way to  unmasking with myself, my family and church family. It is uncomfortable and unnerving as all changes are- but how else is one supposed to fight their inner battles? Yes, God is with me but I need to act as well despite the risk of being judged and misunderstood. 

As long as God loves me, and I have a handful of close and trusted individuals around – at this stage this is more than enough! I’m already so blessed! 

I don’t know when I will post next on this blog- I sense I need to wait. Sometimes in my eagerness and enthusiasm to ‘minister’ or share my testimony I rush God’s timing. However, to my blogging buddies – rest assured I’ll still be reading yours!! 😉 

With that I leave you to a song that  has become one of my favorites! The lyrics are soooo beautiful and poignant. Whoever wrote it must have seen Him 🙂 

“You are my Hiding Place” by True Worshipers. 

Whenever you question God…

I was having lunch with a dear friend recently when this topic came up. My friend is gifted with an iniquisitive and curious mind. She loves theories and knowing the “why”. Of course at times she questions God as to why things happen which makes her doubt Him. For instance, the massacre that happened in Orlando on Sunday, to controversial topics, to life issues and its mysteries. 
I don’t believe that questioning God is a “bad” thing. In fact, I encourage all believers to question God – and boldly ask Him “WHY”. 
God is Spirit, and the Bible says that when we believe in Him, His spirit joins with our spirit. 

When His spirit is in our heart, we can hear His voice CLEARLY, and although we may not understand fully “why” things happen, the way we see things and our perspective changes. We are able to discern what is good, true, pure and right. Rather than Filling our minds and hearts with man-made ideas, thoughts and beliefs. 

God speaks. Let Him! 

However, before a person can hear from Him, there are a few areas  that needs to be addressed: 

1) How is your relationship with God? 

If you are in a relationship with God, what is the condition of your heart? Is it hurting? Is it hardened? Is it heavy? 
A heart can be hardened because of wounds (hurts) that have culminated and not been dealt released, or our own “stubbornness” wanting to live our way, or rebelliousness. 

That is why the Bible clearly says take every thought captive to the Word of God!

A hardened heart will not be able to hear God’s voice. 

How can God speak to someone when their heart is “against” Him, closed or hardened in the first place? 

2) What is your FOUNDATION? Are you built on Sand or Rock? 

Are you filling your minds with the ideologies of this world? Or are you filling it with Truth? 

How can you know what is Truth if you are swayed back and forths with the theories, culture and popular beliefs of this world? How can one discern? 

People’s opinions and theories are everywhere- but they are just that: Man Made. 

What are you basing your thoughts, ideologies on? Man-made wisdom or God’s Wisdom? 

I would rather not be easily swayed and confused, and instead ask for His Wisdom! The Bible says – 

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. (James 1:5)

After ensuring that you are in a right relationship with God and filling your mind with the Word- if you are unsure about something and question God.. Ask Him! Ask His Holy Spirit to speak into your heart and to personally help you to discern and understand His Will, His Word. 

God is a Wise God. He is also Sovereign. There are many things in life that happens and we don’t have answers to. We may never know the answers until we meet Him but… From now till that day, wouldn’t be better if we can just be open to hearing His Voice? At times, yes, there will be unanswered questions.. But know that He knows what is Best and that GOD has the bigger picture and perspective even wiser than our own logic or reasoning. 

Pass IT on!

Have you ever thought about the Christians who don’t know why they are even Christians or why they believe what they believe? Deep down they may feel like they are hypocrites or “phoneys”.
I was one of them. 

So, when God delivered me from all the confusion, spiritual blindness and just feeling like an absolute phoney this verse really resonates –

“Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God’s people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God’s mercy” (1 Peter 2:10)

Side note: In case you would like to read my testimony, it is in a blog post titled “A miracle happened…” 

This verse also resonates –

“For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!” (Eph 5:8)

You and I – as delivered children of God, we belong to God! His light is in us! Where there is light, there can be no darkness.

I myself am challenged to live wisely, to number my days with God’s Wisdom, because life is short.

Life is way TOO short! 

The Bible tells us to make the most of every opportunity in these last days. Our believing and unbelieving family, friends, colleagues, neighbors are watching us.

There are Christians who are just as lost and stumbling in the dark! There are many Christians with questions but they may be fearful in voicing out their doubts in fear of judgement or whatever their reason is..

Can you see those who are staggering in the dark, lost and without hope in their lives? When the Light of Jesus can set anyone FREE from the clutches of darkness!

ONLY IN JESUS CHRIST THERE IS HOPE!

Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE.. Without Him no one can have access to God the Father!

Jesus is the key that unlocks it all!

Our friends and family may not know exactly what it is, but to those who are seeking.. there is definitely something refreshing about us!
Imagine a ray of light shining brightly in the heart of the individual who has been delivered… There is wholeness! There is joy and peace! There is LIFE!

We must constantly PRAY that their eyes and hearts may be opened. 

Pray that the light in you and I may be passed on to them.

Be a channel of His love today. Reach out, Bring Healing to someone today. By His stripes we have been Healed. Pass it on!

“So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise, making the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants us to do” (Ephesians 5:15-17)

Prayer: Lord Jesus, thank You for delivering us from darkness and into Your Kingdom of Light. Help us to live life with intention and purpose each day. Even in our small act of blogging to activities that involve our family members, friends, and others in the community – Lord God, if there is anyone that is searching for You, please give us the grace to share and pass on Your light!

Also Lord, knowing our human tendency to ‘get the glory’ sometimes… I ask that You will sanctify and keep everything holy. Let it never be about us but let everything that we do be for Your Glory alone. Thank You Lord Jesus, for leading us always by Your Spirit.

In Jesus’ Name we pray, AMEN.

 

 

“Respect” in a marriage.. from a wife’s perspective.

Can you hear Aretha Franklin’s catchy “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” tune playing in your head? There are actually 2 versions to this song, and the original one is written by Otis Redding from a man’s perspective. The original version speaks of a man’s plea that he will do anything for his woman, even if she does him wrong, as long as he is respected by her.

We find in the Bible that a wife shows submission (out of reverence for Christ) by respecting her husband:

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33)

There is a book called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs that entails just how  important “Respect” is for husbands!

The cry of every Husband/Man  is to be respected. They feel loved when they sense that they are respected. 

Our dear marriage mentors lent us this book! Very worth a read!

For women, we feel loved when our husband cherishes us the most. We crave the “romance” we see in movies, songs, novels.. Hollywood hasn’t helped! Same goes for romance fiction.. even “Christian” romantic ones! Real life however, involves the unexpected and unplanned. Yes, there are happy and joyful times, but there will also be curveballs..

As my pastor said recently- It’s how we give meaning to whatever comes our way, that will determine whether we will rise above or succumb to disappointments, hopelessness.

I asked Jason recently how he feels respected and he responded “by being understood”.

No wonder we were ‘going around in circles’! I admit – I’ve not always been in the “present”… he’ll tell me that, but it did not “click” until recently! Sometimes, I would think of other things while listening to Jase. He will be: “Hello? Are you listening, Mel? Where is your mind at?” This is not respecting him as it shows that I don’t care for what he has to say! Or there will be times when I just go and do things my way, sometimes without telling him! Or what’s worse.. Sometimes I completely ignore him.

Now, I love my husband and he has my heart, but by me not engaging, listening intently or by me doing my ‘own thing/way’ shows that I have not tried to understand him..

Root Cause: The Condition of the Heart

It’s a Heart Condition! Where have I put my trust? In God – who is the One in Control and is the head of my husband, or in myself? This, I’m still dealing and learning about..

I wish to encourage you by saying that if like me, you would like your marriage to change for the better.. It is Possible!! Jase and I are not there yet.. But we will get there! Our marriage mentors say that “this is a process that takes time, but it will happen”!

During this process we are being  SHAPED in our Character towards endurance and perseverance. 

Which is possible only by God’s Help and His Holy Spirit! Know that spouses can’t change one another.. But GOD CAN. He can change man’s heart. He can also change your heart. 🙂

OK – let’s get back to the topic of “Respect”.. As I reflected how I can try to understand my husband.. Here is an acronym I wrote to help me remember myself!

“P.A.U.S.E”

P – Pay Attention.

Put aside whatever you are doing, clear your thoughts to LISTEN with no pre-conceived ideas, or interruptions!

Who’s with me here and are excellent at cutting in conversations?

A- Ask questions!

Probe deeper and repeat in your own words to try to clarify and understand what your spouse is saying.

U- Unity. 

Ask yourself: “Is my behaviour showing a sense of unity/togetherness or independence?”; “Am I trying to get things done MY way?”

S- Submit Sweetly. (No, not ‘sickly sweet’!)  

Submit with an open heart and attitude. Not begrudgingly or with  excuses. If you really believe your way is “better”, pray and speak it out with the Lord first before forcing anything on your other half.

E- Equilibrium.

Ask yourself: “How is my state of “restedness” on the inside? Am I listening with agitation??”

Always pray and ask God for a peaceful and gentle spirit.

 

I would like to ask the wives here-

1) What are some of the ways that you show respect to your other half?

2) What worked or hasn’t worked for you?

3) Did your spouse comment on your change of behaviour?

4) Did you notice any changes in your spouse’s demeanour/behaviour?

Our pastor, mentors and dear friends say the fundamental thing is to check our hearts, SURRENDER our marriages and submit it to God. Then believe that He will enable us with His Grace and Power to show respect and submission to our  husbands.

This is because He is the Source of everything for us to accomplish that which we are called for! 

We are all flawed individuals that is why we make mistakes and hurt each other in our relationships. However, let’s FOCUS to GOD!

HE is able to restore and heal our hearts!

HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME

 

A little update..

Close friends and life group members have commented that I look happier and  more relaxed. I really thank God for what He is doing inside of me- a lot of awareness (of the issues and behaviors I have) and a lot of surrendering. A lot of letting go of Control and desire to “make it” on my own terms, in my own strength.

The hubby and I are in business together. At first it was more his business (I will just support him from the sidelines through prayer, yada yada but I won’t really “touch” anything)… However, since resigning from Real estate, I am now starting to take more ownership of the business.

I still love real estate, haha and I will always see it as an exciting, thrilling and challenging “game” – I have a lot of respect for some of the people who have made it- it takes A LOT of dedication, hard work, inner GRIT and perseverance. There’s also sacrifices as well. Would I go back to it later? I don’t know and only time and God’s will can tell. I always believed that He called me to real estate… Not sure how or what it looks like – but something to do with properties.

Ok back to this – I realised that I wanted to be successful for all the wrong reasons. For my own self-glorification alone. To prove to my family, colleagues and friends that I am capable and I have made it. It really affected me whenever things do not go my way and I brought work and the added emotions that come with it home. It took its toll on Jase and on our relationship 😦

One of the “clincher” verses that Jase (and I) received as a sign from the Lord to take on this business was this verse:

Glad songs of salvation are in the tents of the righteous: “The right hand of the Lord does valiantly, (‭Psalm‬ ‭118‬:‭15‬ ESV)

Initially we thought- perhaps salvation of souls towards Jesus.. But well.. This hasn’t happened yet, but there certainly was plenty of Salvations so far! Particularly in our personal lives!

I remember the first week I started working on the business in sales and client relations. I made calls, but I wasn’t confident- I started to doubt- but The Lord came through! In fact looking back whenever  (and I am not exaggerating by the way).. Whenever I started to doubt, enquiries and bookings from significant clients came through. NONE of these were by my own efforts. Truly a MIRACLE!

I write about those instances on my personal journal to remind myself. Truly, an absolute miracle. Lord, You have been so Gracious!

God was saying each time I started to STRIVE and get all restless: Mel, it is not by your striving that you work on this business.

However, do you know what was the BIGGEST Salvation in? In my relationship with Jase. For the first time in a LONG TIME, I’m starting to fall in love with my husband.

Of course we have intense discussions with business related decisions (I HATE intense discussions)… But the business, working together has actually brought us closer (as ironic as this sounds) and because I am not as restless or anxious as before, I am definitely more “in the present” with Jase. He appreciates this also. Praise God!

There is indeed Salvation!

Now we are truly on a FAITH Journey. In terms of finances- No longer do we have a “buffer”. We are not able to spend as freely as before! Although we are quite frugal, at least having regular income coming is an assurance..! But I would not have it any other way 🙂 Praise God!

Now we are truly living and practising the simplest lifestyle and you know what has been amazing? God provides!!

In all this, I know that life is never perfect. We will always have the highs and the lows in life! However, God will never leave or forsake us.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭13‬ ESV)

As long as we are in a right relationship with Him, and our hearts are truly wholly dedicated to Him- He will cover us under the shadows of His wings.

Let’s talk about Marriage…

MOST NEWLYWEDS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE IN FOR. 

The wedding day can be just absolutely amazing, as it should be 🙂 but, it’s the LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP that matters.
It doesn’t matter if the couple have known each other for a LONG time, been in a courtship / going out for 6 months or 7+ years… 

It doesn’t even matter if the couple had COUNTLESS confirmations, visions, heard from God, knew 150% that they are to journey this life together.. 

It does NOT MATTER if the husband or wife are of the SAME faith, beliefs, culture, similar upbringing, complementary educational background, same “class”… etc etc
NO MATTER how “Divine” it is, or how “PERFECT” it seems.. Or how “PREPARED” the couple was before The Day.. NO ONE IS EXEMPT. 

PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE IN FOR

How a couple manages to navigate through the challenges and hurdles during their early years of marriage truly SETS the tone for what people may say as “foundation” to their marriage. 

My parents in-law had hurts and resentments that WERE NEVER SOLVED from the early years of their marriage and to THIS DAY, they are “together” but very separate. Very broken. They have pretty much separated. Extremely SAD. 

Marriage – 
Consists of 2 individuals with different traits, personalities, thought processes, subconscious expectations, family and educational backgrounds go through daily life together…

For better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness and health. Committed towards and for each other. 

Oh by the way, LIFE IS/ WILL ALWAYS BE FULL OF UNEXPECTED SURPRISES. 
Not only that, due to various factors, people can change into a better or totally different person! *Gasp!* No! shocking!! 

Events in life can make a person act uncharacteristically and if they do not resolve their inner life, starting by being aware as to how they respond to various events, they will forever be in turmoil. This ultimately effects how they will treat their spouses and their closest ones.

Only until recently, have I truly started to enjoy my relationship with the hubby. By just being in the present and engaged with my husband and creating special moments together. A lot of things such as distractions or prioritising work over family life, emotional immaturity and my negative thoughts have contributed to our rocky start. 

As for Jase, he was always sensitive to our “rocky” relationship because his parents went through this, and he did not want our relationship to end up like theirs. On the other hand, I felt that he was forever picking out the faults in our Marriage. This upsets me and of course does not get me in the mood for anything!! I found it hard to communicate with him as I thought that he was always creating a big deal of the issues and was over Critical. I know now and understand that this was because he wants our relationship to be better, and he was scared to “lose me” to other things such as work and other priorities. 

We are learning more about what the other finds of importance. For Jase, he wants me to prioritise our Marriage by being In the present And engaged with him. Quality over all else. For me, it is the way In which he voiced his concerns – the delivery .. That can make a HUGE difference. I am sensitive to negative tone of voice. While Jase does not shout, he can still raise his voice in a way that upsets me.
Patience, Faith And Courage counts soo much In a Marriage! 

I thank God for a Husband who Cares about our Marriage and is more sensitive about the state of our relationship even if more than I! 

While I am NOT a marriage counsellor/expert, based on what we went through the first 2.5 years of marriage.. I would say the following 6 points would be helpful for any married couples:

1) Rely on the Lord.  Through CONSTANT PRAYER. For One another and with each other!!

2) DO FUN THINGS WITH EACH OTHER 

3) Be Respectful of each other. Give your best to each other and just be Kind.

4) Find out what the other person likes and do more of what they like. 

5) RESOLVE EVERY CONFLICT ASAP. Compromise And Communicate. Giving in is not giving Up. Understand WHY the other is behaving a certain way.. 

6) No matter what, don’t give up BECAUSE you’ve made a COMMITMENT to each other! Stick through the commitment made and the vows that have been said. You won’t regret this! (Thanks Katie from talkingtothelord.wordpress.con  for this addition!)

Marriage is never for boosting your ego or trying to prove you’re RIGHT.

It’s not about making yourself feel good. 

It’s about LOVING the other person despite their weaknesses / not-so-attractive qualities with understanding, compassion and kindness. 

You’re One. A team, partners for life. Where one hurts, the other hurts also. You’re all each other has- but if You also have God, HE IS your STRENGTH. 
What are some of your personal experiences of your early years as a married couple?

(Just for fun) Click here if you would like to see our wedding photos. 🙂 

We truly had no idea what we were in for that day!! 🙂 

At what cost?

The best things in life is not the grand things. It is often the people God placed in your life… If I truly stop to reflect at what’s truly important in life… It’s actually simple. 

First, It’s keeping myself grounded and utterly dependant on God. This is a given, and I’m not just saying this. 

Secondly- it is in fact, FAMILY. 
You know, as incredibly bizzare as it sounds, I’ve really placed time with  family and building relationship with my husband, parents, in laws-  somewhere at the back there. 

I definitely prioritised work over family and yeah, over Godly pursuits at times.. For what? I don’t have a relationship with my boss or colleagues who I work with, aside from a working relationship. Yes, I can say that I’m being a “light” in my workplace- and I believe I have been a blessing to each of them – but at what cost? 

For what Mel? To prove that I Can do this? To finally make it and Achieve my goal? 

But at what cost? 

My husband said that I’m often “not in the present”. He wants (and needs) me to fully engage with him, not think about other things – do do do, be anxious or overly thinking about work. 
Haha should be a good thing isn’t to get permission to RELAX?

I feel GUILTY if I slack off (not work hard to the standard I set up for myself). But really, it’s not just about working hard, it’s about working SMARTER.

As for time with parents and in laws? Meh. It was somewhere down dowwwnnnn the list. I haven’t got time! Too busy! Too tired. 
But they’re not getting younger. Time is precious. I’ve created cracks in my relationship with my own parents- and sometimes they do create stress and anxiety inside of me (that’s why I don’t want to spend too much time with them) but why should it keep going like this? 

Understand that that’s just the way they are, accept it, learn to be independent yet honouring them by being honest, not keeping things from them, spend time with them and re-build the relationship through bonding and creating memories together. Lord, help me please to do this! 

If I have to accompany my dad again playing those Bill Gaither gospel songs again (his favourite) so be it. If it means just spending time with my mum so be it.. If it means talking about FOOD and having family dinners with Jase’s parents (they LOVE food… Complete Foodies to the F) so be it… 

And finally, SPEND TIME WITH THE HUBBY! While doing so, to fully be engaged- listen and be in the present! These activities are meant to be enjoyable 🙂 my mindset have to be shifted- it’s not a chore, rather a PRIVILEGE. 

Work will always be there. But ultimately God gives, He is the promoter, He gives the business. No amount of insane striving, until the cows come home can make any work profitable if God does not grace it to be so. 

The relationships that we have with our family however, are also the aspects of life that God wants us to steward. 

So – priorities: 

1) GOD 

2) FAMILY 

3 WORK & BUSINESS

4) CHURCH & COMMUNITY
Whether the 4) should be a 3) or not is still to be discovered. At the moment this is what I can work on! 🙂 

Filling each other’s love tanks

Went to a dear friend’s wedding last Saturday. The couple are Very, *ahem* Lovey Dovey and completely Smitten with each other. 

Now when I look at my husband and myself… We do love each other but we r not “lovey-Dovey”. Unfortunately romantic movies have led me to believe that this is the way it’s meant to be. I mean if you think about it – I guess you can “maintain” those  Lovey- Dovey moments – and continue to be smitten by one another. Our close friends say that Love is a Choice. It is a commitment. Through the Seasons in life through the ups and downs these lovey Dovey feelings can be missing but we can bring it back. 

So -Jase and I – we are trying to fill each other’s love tanks 😉 

It does take a conscious effort as well. To shower our significant other with love actions that helps them to feel loved. I’m grateful that Jase is trying. There are husbands that just don’t want to try anymore. But Jase has always been sensitive with our relationship because he has experienced marital tension between his parents. 

How do you show love to your other half?



How do you relax, de-stress and ‘nourish’ yourself?

In this day and age where many of us face challenging and stressful circumstances how does one cope with it all? The stresses that can come from work, family issues, relationships gone wrong, illnesses, finances can all build up. Isn’t this true?

It is so important to take time out during the day. Whether it be to take a walk outside during lunch time, grab a coffee/hot chocolate, blog, chat with a friend. We all know the importance of taking care of ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually- but do we actually stop to do this regularly?

Or can this be easily neglected? Perhaps the very idea to “de-stress” or to take time out is such a good thing to do to ourselves that we don’t do it!

Sometimes I feel guilty if I do something to “nourish” my self – thinking that “I could have used my time more wisely”. I have thought of doing something “good” for my self as an “easy way out” or an excuse to be lazy or “irresponsible”.

But nourishing ourselves or “self-care” is SO IMPORTANT! Otherwise we run on empty. Our health, mental and emotional well being is at risk of being run down – will this do us any good in the long term?

Here are some of the ways that I consciously try to do regularly to nourish myself:

1) Daily meditation of the Word and Prayer!

Reading His instructions and promises gives me the assurance that I am on the right path. Also, talking it out with God (prayer) is a superb way to surrender and cast all my cares to Him! It’s talk therapy but with the best counsellor ever- Jesus!

2) Listening to music
Sometimes, when I wake up I’ll have a song playing on my mind.

I find this to be a blessing and a way to hear His voice actually – especially if it’s a gospel song. Since the marrying of words to music move me deeply, it is certainly a way for me to connect with my Lord!

In addition to listening to worship (gospel) music, I also enjoy listening to classical, easy listening.. But mainly worship songs 🙂

3) Dancin’ 🙂
Here’s a secret: sometimes if no one’s around I break into a dance (like no ones watching).

4) “Quality time with a friend
Many of the times I have a heart-to-heart conversation with a soul sister, the world becomes a much better place 🙂 Definitely.

5) Writing on a Journal and Blogging!
I suppose all bloggers will have this on their list somewhere… Writing my thoughts down really does wonders.

6) Exercise!
* This is probably a ‘borderline nourishing’ activity for me because I don’t like to exercise (I am not sporty) BUT every time I finish a walk, run or work out session, there’s no doubt about it – my endorphins are released! So I guess it will have to be a nourishing activity huh.

7) Watching a GOOD movie!
By “good” I mean: movies/shows that adds value, are inspiring and uplifting, Also enjoy romantic-comedies and musicals but no junk/degrading movies please!

Thankfully my husband decides that we won’t own a TV. At first I was a little annoyed that we don’t have one, but so far I haven’t missed it! In fact, more time for us! 🙂

8) Reading a good fiction 🙂
Give me a good book with a hot/iced chocolate drink and I’m one happy camper.

Here are my Top 3 favourite fiction authors:

1) Francine Rivers
2) Karen Kingsbury
3) Janette Oke

What about you? What are some of the things you do to relax, de-stress and “nourish” yourselves?

Dimple

A true friend is a gift from God. I thank God for sending Dimple into my life.

There’s a verse in the Bible that says:
“There’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother”

Dimple is practically family – she’s my sister. We share what is in our hearts, what God has been speaking to us… we give each other stuff… Feed each other’s families.. but more than that…

She’s one of the few individuals in my ‘world’ that I can fully trust. In fact, both our husbands tells us “you need to spend time with Dimple / Mel”…!

Perhaps that’s the beauty of friendship isn’t? To be fully authentic and real with each other that we can trust each other!

I guess what I love most about Dimple is her generous and humble heart. No matter what, even when she’s really down, she ALWAYS has such a BIG HEART for others.

Despite facing so many challenges of her own, she can still have the strength, time and heart to care, encourage, speak words of life, pray with me, go crazy, cheer me on and simply, be there. Sometimes she cares too much for others and forgets to take care of herself!!

She also just gets it.

Of course there are times when we’re annoyed at each other.. or when we don’t see things the same way. Considering often it’s hard for me to verbally “disagree” with someone- I feel safe enough to disagree with her!

Thank You Lord for sending Dimple into my life. Please help me to be a better friend, to encourage, support and be there for her as well whenever she needs me to.